Healing hurts

Two days ago, a friend of mine died. She was an amazing woman that I didn't get to know as well as I would have liked to. Yesterday was a hard day filled with an overwhelming sense of loss and sorrow. I lay in bed yesterday morning, not knowing how to proceed with my day. All I could feel was grief. I was consumed with it. When I lost my grandma and felt that way, I would just go to sleep. I didn't have to feel it if I was asleep. But now I have 2 kids that need me. I can't just shut down and that was my dilemma . I finally managed to pull myself out of bed and get Riley some breakfast. I sat down at the computer and lost it. I was sobbing into my hands and Riley said to me "you have an owee" "no" I said "I am just very very sad" I heard Riley run into the bathroom and start climbing on things, and all I could think was "great this is all I need. To have to wrangle my kids, when I can't even keep myself together." So after calling him a couple of times, Riley cane out of the bathroom. I was still sitting here crying, and I felt Riley lifting the back of my shirt and rubbing my back, and then he said "there all better". how sweet is that. After a few minutes, I pulled myself together and got Katy out of bed. I was fixing her breakfast when I notices that Riley hadn't just been rubbing my back. He had put one of those huge square band-aids on my back. I couldn't help but laugh. He must have thought for me to be crying that hard, it must be a HUGE boo boo. What an amazingly sweet boy I have.